Love and Other Four Letter Words
by ebonyice
Summary: HouseCameron one shot. This is set back in the first season because, well, that's when I wrote it. Cameron tells House that she loves him. House never leaves a puzzle unsolved.


Title: Love and Other Four Letter Words

Author: Ebony Ice

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Ok, so this was written a LONG time ago, like right after my other story "What She Sees in Him". I can't really remember why I didn't post it then, but I just found it and decided to post it now. Keep in mind that this story doesn't take into account anything that has happened in the past year and a half, not even Stacey. I'm not even sure if the House/Cameron camp is still going strong, but oh well. This is another one shot, it's kind in the same universe as 'What She Sees in Him' (one where House and Cameron are a couple), but really it's a standalone fic. How ever you want to look at it.

House didn't know what to do when Cameron told him that she loved him. Looking at the expression of panic on her face, House had a feeling that Cameron didn't quite know what to do either.

They had just been sitting on House's couch eating Chinese food and talking. They had lost a patient that day and were drowning their sorrows in fried rice and egg rolls. Cameron, of course, was taking it harder than House. Sure, House was upset, but at least he would forget the patient's face and then he would forget about the patient, probably because he had only seen the patent once, but still… House was sure that Cameron would never forget. She would put it to the back of her mind, with all the others and it would haunt her whenever she had a free moment to think about something other than the patient they were trying to save that week, whenever she had time that she should spend thinking of herself. It would lead her back to thoughts of her husband. Damn her and her 'caring about patients' bullshit!

After awhile, House felt the need to distract Cameron from her melancholy, he could handle his own, but hers was suffocating him. House turned on the T.V. to some inane reality show that was less realistic than the O.C. He made a couple (okay…a lot) of sarcastic comments, nothing unusual, but it was enough to make Cameron smile, then smile a little more, then laugh. As she laughed, she seemed to remember that only minutes ago she was practically in tears and that House had made her forget that. She opened her mouth, probably to say 'thank you' or 'you're the best' or 'take me to bed and screw me senseless'. Instead, that dreaded three worded phrase had slipped out. It was bound to happen. Cameron wasn't built to keep these things to herself. She had probably been dying to tell him those three little words for months. He knew that she hadn't meant to say it, but he also saw her recover and steel herself for his reaction. She wasn't taking it back, she wasn't pretending it didn't happen. She may not have meant to say it, but she did mean it and she would stand by her admission because she was Cameron and that was just what she did. It gave House a little flutter in his stomach to think about it, which was and affliction he would never admit to having. Almost immediately after the flutter came the panic; what was he supposed to say to that?

He supposed the best thing would be to say he loved her back. That's what would make her happy, to know that he loved her. Did he love her? No. He didn't, he couldn't. No matter how they both tried to kid themselves, he was an old broken man; he just couldn't love anymore. But…if he didn't love her, what did he feel? What would he tell her?

Did he _like_ her? Sure, he could admit to that…finally. After all, they had been together for a year now, no sense in denying that he liked her now, but love? No. He liked having her around. She made him smile sometimes, even when he didn't really want to. She knew when he needed time alone and when he needed her to be there, he liked that he never had to tell her. He liked that she was the only one who didn't push him to be something he wasn't and yet she was the only one he'd consider changing for. He liked how she fit so well in his life and he in hers. He liked that for once he really didn't want to run away from someone and more importantly, he liked that even after a year of putting up with him, she still showed no signs of wanting to run from him, because…really…he was just a miserable bastard and what the hell was she doing with him anyway? He liked that she was so nice that she could love someone as mean as him. Just because he liked her even more for loving him, didn't mean he loved her back.

Did he _want_ her? Hell yes. She was young and beautiful, who wouldn't? She was every man's midlife dream come true. She could be sexy or sweet, dominating or submissive, depending on what they both needed at any given time. House hadn't had access to a beautiful woman in years, he wanted Cameron as often as he could get her. That certainly didn't mean he loved her. He lusted after her, there was a difference. And yet…being the brilliant diagnostician he was, somehow he didn't think that lust summed it all up, it was only a piece of the puzzle, a symptom of his illness.

Did he _need_ her? Well…yeah. Need, he could admit to that. She was like his Vicodin, an addiction, something he didn't ask for, but he was stuck with anyway. That was it, she was just like the pills and if he could admit to a Vicodin addiction, he could certainly admit to a Cameron addiction. It was much more pleasant and acceptable to be addicted to her than to drugs anyway. They both took away the pain of past wrongs, and he had plenty of that. Why shouldn't he need them? It was perfectly understandable. He didn't think he could survive without either. It really was a sickness, not his fault. He needed her to live.

That wasn't right, not really. He had convinced himself that he really couldn't live without the pills, that his body would just shut down from physical pain. However, he didn't _really_ believe that he would die from losing Cameron and that scared him more. It scared him to realize that it wasn't that he _couldn't_ live without her, it was that he didn't _want_ to live without her, but he probably would anyway. No he didn't need her to live, he just needed her in order to be happy.

Still…that was okay. It didn't mean _love_. That was his diagnosis His symptoms: he liked her more than anyone, he wanted her more than anything and he needed her for his happiness, but he didn't love her. It was something he didn't really have a name for, but it wasn't love. If he didn't love her, he still had his heart. If he had his heart, she couldn't break it. He would tell her that he needed her to secure his happiness. That was something…it would make her happy, to know how much she meant to him. It wasn't love, but she probably wasn't expecting that anyway. He would just tell her the truth, his diagnosis.

"Allison, I…" He looked into her eyes and realized his diagnosis didn't really explain that flutter in his stomach or the skip of his heartbeat, the smiles, the like, the want, the need, "I love you." Dammit! He never could leave a puzzle unsolved.


End file.
